Parenting After The Loss Of A Spouse: Personal Experience



I have learned that as a Christian, it’s best to learn the character side of Christianity first before the charisma side.

No one prays to lose his/her spouse or to be a widow/widower; it is not a good experience… for obvious reasons. However, I can categorically say that I am enjoying God in a dimension that I could never have if my spouse was still around.

Of course, I had it rough at the beginning, giving in to the devil’s tricks and gimmicks but I soon discovered that my Father’s word is true and He is faithful and I am precious in His sight, no matter the condition. However, this is a story for another day. I am supposed to talk about the dimension of parenting after the loss of a spouse and I pray someone is blessed by this.

I must say that my husband laid a solid foundation for us spiritually and physically, and he did so with haste. I usually wandered if he knew he wasn’t going to be with us here for long. But for his absence to still make a complete and loving family fellowship that we used to have, is proof that God really has our back and I can’t ask for more.

Talking about challenges after his demise, while myself and my daughter cried our hearts out, my son shed no tear and we took him for acting strong. But when I started seeing some negative behaviors, it dawned on me that he had bottled up his emotions which started manifesting in strange ways. Thank God we were able to overcome through prayers and support of brethren. Afterwards the children better appreciated the fact that we have “no other God but Him”.

I have learned that as a Christian, it’s best to learn the character side of Christianity first before the charisma side. This helped us to stabilize not too long after my husband’s demise.

In leading by example, my son and I have now become so similar spiritually (1Tim 5:4), and beyond that, my son became a very good example for emulation to other children and parents. He was and still is immersed in God’s work and all I try to do is to ensure he checks his motive so he doesn’t deviate. His sister is full of wisdom and has such an analytical mind that I must always be ready for real questions during bible study times.

Communication is very important; I created time for spiritual, emotional and financial discussions. As much as we don’t love to discuss it, punishment is also an important part of raising children. I believe people should attach discomfort or reward to behaviors, so they understand the consequence of their actions. I also explore brethren’s support.

I realized the devil doesn’t care what your situation is. He delights in afflicting saints, as we see in John 10:10. So never take it for granted that you and your children cannot/will not be his target. This knowledge, in addition to standing your ground by the Word, delivers powerfully.

While this is not an extensive list, I do hope that these tips that have aided in my parenting of our children will bless you as well. Ultimately, our children are the Lord’s, and His wisdom and His guidance are the only guaranteed effective parenting tools.

First published by GEMWoman Magazine, Nigeria. (

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